Burt’s Bees and my beard.

So I always get these little obsessions. A pocket knife I have to get people as a gift. Space Pens. Moleskines. Pencils. Goodkind Pens. A computer brand. I swear, everyone I know has a Space Pen now, and they will likely have a Goodkind pen by Christmas. I am seriously thinking about having some Woody pens engraved (cheap that way) with something awesome like “Merry @#$%ing X-Mas! Love, Johnny,” or some such. My youngest brother (hi, B.J.) likes to point out that I will pontificate on a product or brand and then hate them later, such as my lapsed pencil devotion (have not used one since June) and my complete non-willingness to ever own a car again. So if Burt’s Bees turns out to…suck, understand that I am usually crazy.

But I love the stuff. I first tried the Peppermint shower soap this summer, looking for something cooling after a bike ride in the Southern Illinois heat. It really worked, too. Taking a cool shower with mint soap straight out of a 105 degree heat index and seven miles on a bike at a good pace, it’s a gift from some distant heaven, I tell you. I tried the toothpaste and deodorant, both of which are a pleasure to use. And the latter actually works very well — this coming from a hairy little man who stopped using strong stuff like Degree and Mitchum because they didn’t work for him. They sold Burt’s Bees at my favorite market in Carbondale, and I enjoyed it being so easy to get. Came to Baltimore, and Whole Foods has the whole line, and the Mrs. got in on the action, too. Turns out that my Mom uses the lip balm, being prone to dry lips year-round. I got the shaving set for my dad several years ago for Christmas, as an extra “thank you” after several late-night trips to the main postal branch in Baltimore to mail grad school applications. He didn’t really use it much, but I was at my friend Dan’s house last week, and he has the same set. I am not alone, and I did not discover it. Yesterday, I sliced my hand taking out our window AC units, and the Res-Q Oinment smelled so good that I forgot about the cut, which was on the way to healing. It’s also good for torn-up fingers from playing mandolin. I have some of the Citrus Spice soap and Rosemary Mint shampoo bar now, for fall and for my ever-growing beard. I was using soap all over, but the beard and my hair are too long for that now.

Speaking of the beard, when someone bugs me about when I will shave it, I like to show them a package with Burt on it and tell them that it is “my beard goal.” I think I’m about half-way there, or at least I will be there by Christmas. My beard has become like my hippy badge of honor or something. Old ladies get frightened by me in the market now, which is weird because I was always one of those guys old ladies always ask to get things from high shelves and to ask directions from. Now it’s so long, it gets in my ears when I’m sleeping, and I soak-up and drip coffee several minutes after drinking it.

There you go. I know I sound like a commercial, but I often do. That’s sharing, man. And besides, maybe Burt’s Bees will send me some schwag. It’s sorta expensive, and I can’t get a J-O-B for quite a few months, when the dissertation is over. Burt, will you hook a guy up with a shaving set when your new ones come out this fall? Please? I have to be beard-free by June for my brother’s wedding.