
I have always had a thing for fall festivals. One of the things I miss the most out of the things I miss (yes, I miss things about it) about life in Southern Illinois is the Makanda Vulture Fest, which I mentioned last year. Luckily, when I went in 2005, I had not decided to move yet and did not know it would be the last time I would be there and did not make it a sad time but instead a fun time.
Still, the Fell’s Point Fesitval (started in the 1960s to keep historic Fell’s Point from becoming the location of a highway) has always been my favorite. It usually involved a girl who was not there, until my wife and I had our first real “date” there in 1997. I had to miss it in 2001 and 2002 when I lived in Boston, but we caught it in 2003, since we got married in Maryland that weekend and stayed at the Admiral Fell Inn. Missed it the next two years, but we returned for good this year.
The constant rain and my stupid decision to leave behind my umbrella did not ruin it at all. I am still so estatic to be home and amidst hippies and hipsters and even annoying yuppies and bobos that I really wanted to go to the festival just to be there. It reminds me that it feels good to be back in a state/region where the current campaign ads run like, “This dude loves Bush, and that’s bad. Vote for me,” or, “This guy supported the war; he’s a traitor. I’m your man!” Etc. You couldn’t run an ad like that in the Heartland and expect any votes, at least not in my experience. On the other hand, people did not seem to get into such viciously personal attacks on one another’s appearance there, either, like in the Maryland Comptroller primary. So there you go. Campaign seasons are not fun anywhere.

On Sunday, we went to a very different kind of festival, one that was out in the country and involved apples in a major way. I was a little weirded out at first by the fact that my wife was the only non-white person there for half of the time we were present, and there were more people there than at the Fell’s Point Festival. Despite being in PA, all the bands had “Southern” in their names — really. There were a lot of…moustaches and sweatshirts. Everything that was not apples or a Southern cover band was devoted to cooking dead things on big fires, making scrapple (!) in a tub the size of a Prius and all these weird antique gas engines and old tractors. I know, so what the hell was I doing there?
Some very nice family members invited us, and I will go anywhere if I like who I am going with. I think I can enjoy anything if I enjoy the company. And good food only seals the deal. I like festival food, especially fall festival food. Sweet potatoe French fries. Pumpkin funnel cake. Pumpkin! I think the unexpected heat, having to pee and being very tired made me a little cranky at the end, but I can admit to having a good time at something that no one would expect to find me at. And I can admit to knowing ahead of time that I would have a good time, too. Time.
I like to harbor the pretense that I can be a regular guy. I mean, I can boast to having cemented something, to being married, to having a semi-religious upbringing, to watching the news and enjoying pizza to no end. I like craft beers best, but I drank several pitchers of Coors Lite two weeks ago at a bullroast. I can bullshit all night with scout leaders who are somehow partly: war veterans, Republicans, homophobes, Coors-drinkers, devoted religious leaders, religious hypocrites, genuinely devoted religious people in a good way, etc. And all of them are really a combination of several such traits and more that are unlike me and mine. But we can talk all night about a billion things — not politics, though.
That speaks to a certain flexibility, no? Or perhaps a certain facelessness? A regularity? A prodigious ability to fake it?
One time I was at an event where the speaker was House Rep. E. Cummings from Maryland. He urged the young people there to, “Fake it ’til you make it!” I thought it was a strange — if not stupid — thing to say at the time. But maybe faking is a way to ease into a situation? Like pretending you like someone when you first meet, until you really do like them? Faking it is the best way to ease into being a regular guy? Maybe. If you wanna be regular. Or, as we say in Baltimore, “Reg-ah-lur.”
I love you, Baltimore.