Bike name.

So, the name of my new bike. After taking the bike home Sunday, we were at Chili’s having chips and beers while we waited for our food, and I wanted to name my ride. I never really named my last bike, though I threw around Jub Jub, lizard of the ugly sisters-in-law on “The Simpsons.” I also considered Snowball III, since the black Focus was Snowball II, like Lisa’s second kitty of the same name who was a black kitty like the car was black and was the replacement for something that died, like the first Focus that got smashed by an SUV and an old man.

My wife’s bike is named Eleanor Roosevelt. Seriously.

I suggested Hudson, since I bought it at Hudson Trail Outfitters, where I now have a lifetime membership and where I get free tune-ups for the life of my bike. It’s sort of like a local REI that has a few stores around the Washington DC area. For getting a new bike, they give you $30 toward a new helmet, which is very nice if you have an ugly white helmet like I did and you see a pretty $40 helmet that you can score for a ten-spot. And the free tune-up thing is awesome. It will save me $50 a pop, $60 if I were not a member. And I take the bike in at least twice a year. Membership was $15, but I have $20 in store bucks already, so I came out ahead already.

And they have a program whereby your bike “computer” is free if you put at least 150 miles on it in a year. If I’m in a riding mood, I easily put 5-10 on a light ride, more if I am going somewhere. You bring it in after a year, and you get store bucks for the price of your computer. Mine was not very expensive at all, but their efforts to get people to ride their bikes warmed my pedals. Plus it’s a fun toy to have. For instance, I know that my top speed on the way to the library yesterday was 28 mph, with an average speed of 10 mph going back uphill to my apartment, and I know I rode a mere 4 miles.

However, Hudson sounds very yuppy-ish, and I live in Roland Park as it is. I can’t ride around on a bike named Hudson with a straight face.

So, my bike’s name. The Hudson Trail was on York Road in Towson. One of my favorite campfire songs has always been “The Grand Old Duke of York:”

The grand old Duke of York,
He had ten thousand men.
He marched them up the hill
And marched them down again.

And when you’re up, you’re up;
And when you’re down, you’re down.
But when you’re only halfway up,
You’re neither up nor down!

Usually, you stand for “up” and sit for “down,” and you go faster or more country or more British or German, and it’s a good time. Yeah. So, because I bought it on York Road and because of that song, my bike is called The Duke. Sometimes Duke for short, if he is the subject of a sentence. Always The Duke when he’s the direct or indirect object. Respect and all that.

Yes, my bike is a dude. He does not look like a female bike. It’s way less…cute than my old bike and much more dudely and bad-ass for a commuter bike. It’s much darker than in the stock image above from Giant. The darker silver is almost grey. Would look awesome with a pirate flag. If I put my back-rack on for carrying my crap, I will need some skull stickers, or the Anarchist stickers my friend Brian sent me a few months ago. Or a Clash or Ramones sticker. Maybe both.