Waking up sick: now with Awesomeness!

Music and household/kitchen items and small actions that you can use like drugs!

1) Wake up, put PJs on. Give your downstairs neighbors who were loud all night the benefit of an early wake-up by riding your deskchair around on the floor. This will also knock some of that nasty stuff in your throat/nose around. Spin a little. It’s fun.

2) Pee, and try to hack up something you can spit out with that satisfying “thwap” in the water. Wash your hands. Put on some Rammstein, beginning with the soft “Wo Bist Du?”

Ich liebe dich.
Ich liebe dich nicht.
Ich liebe dich nicht mehr.

3) Louder Rammstein as you sit with tea to try to get some of that crap out of your throat so you can actually talk. Go nuts, and make sure you look at it. If it’s foggy outside like it was in Baltimore this morning, imagine trying to blow all that fog out of your nose. It helps. You are a giant. You can do it, Slugger.

4) Take medicine and orange juice and hit computer. Wrap in a red fleece blanket (red is sexy). Put on some Cat Stevens. “The Wind” will make you feel better, and “Can’t Keep It In” will help get out some more of that nasty stuff.

5) No sad music. Only an overabundance of cheerfulness will kick your cold. Or something like that. No Radiohead. The Clash, The Ramones, something speedy and affirming to get you started.

6) When you can talk, beg your S.O. to get you some vanilla ice-cream for breakfast. If [s]he’s awesome, [s]he’ll be down for it. Eat 1/4 of the pint while listening to Crash Test Dummies’ Christmas record. That deep voice will get the rest of that crap out so you can start your day.

7) When your S.O. says that you should take the day off and not read or be productive, don’t fight the urge to be a lazy-ass. You worked through being sick all week. Chill for a day. Shop for presents online, and play Call of Duty. Leave something ass-kicking on in the background. A playlist of Tool’s faster songs or Interpol.

8) Repeat as needed.