Scripture, not monkeys.

So I know this guy.  We are both involved in what amounts to a service organization, so we get to chat.  I thought he didn’t like me, and then I bought him a cup of coffee once.  I think it was a good icebreaker to get to chat more.  I have no idea how old he is, but he’s pretty old.  Elderly, literally.  And very very white.

Over a year ago, I heard him say something about “this Jew” cutting him off or something.  “Damn,” I thought, “what’s with so many old anti-Semitic people in Baltimore?”  I didn’t say anything because our boss was there, but he said it in front of a kid — which pissed me off.  I thought maybe the boss might correct him, but he didn’t.  This guy is old.  So I thought that was an excuse, and so did everyone else when I brought it up.  Why I excused such ignorant talk while on the way home to my interracial marriage bed is beyond me.

No it’s not.  I was afraid to.  And I was afraid to say anything a few weeks ago when he made a comment about Maryland’s governor “catering to the blacks” in front of kids, claiming that was how he got elected mayor, too.  One could argue that there is nothing actually incorrect about what he said, though the insinuation that Martin did it only to get elected is disputable (I’m not setting myself up and picking a side).  But it was the way he said it.  You know what I mean.  No one said anything, including me.  But the boss and I were talking about it, and he was thinking the same thing I was: What the hell is wrong with this guy?

Well I found out last week.  He lives in a totally other world.  A few of us were talking about the Geico commercials that feature the cavemen.  Personally, they make me laugh my bum off.  Another guy thinks they are not funny but are stupid.  But this guy got all offended because of some imagined agenda whereby those commercials go against his church.

Yes, his church.  He thinks the commercials propogate evolutionism, I gather, though I might be propogating something I myself am imagining.  Maybe three years in the Midwest have tainted me on old white zealously religious people.  But I didn’t know what to say when he said that he didn’t believe in evolution, saying, “I believe the Scripture.”  What’s worse the other guy (who I think reads this blog!) had to walk away, and I was just…there.

The old guy went on to tell me about those Left Behind books, which I have nothing per se against.  He mentioned that in one novel/prophecy, Iran drops an atomic bomb on Israel, but God saves them, exploding the bomb in midair, telling me that it was “because they are God’s chosen people.”  For quite a while in college, I wished I were Jewish (and still do at times), so I responded to such an uncomfortable assertion that it makes me wish I were Jewish.  He looked at me in complete seriousness and responded that it makes us glad we are Christian.  I didn’t say anything.

I realized why he says this stuff.  He thinks that I think like him.  I’m white and educated.  I must be Christian, anti-Semitic and racist.  While I would not label myself an atheist, I would not label myself a Christian, either.  But I have the whole Catholic Mass memorized from my tenure as an altarboy and all my Catholic schooling, so I can see how someone might make that mistake.  I suppose that as far as the Church is concerned, I am a very bad Catholic who married outside of the Church after ditching the priesthood being pushed on me.

But how anyone could mistake me for a conservative, an anti-Semite or especially a racist is beyond me.  It freaks me out, to be true.  Did I do or say something that might make someone identify me with that shit?  Probably not.  Like I said, we live in different worlds.  He thinks there is no such thing as global warming, either.  It’s liberal propoganda.  Right.

I think I need to muster the balls to correct him next time he drops the racist tip, no matter who I have to offend or piss off because the boss doesn’t seem to have any intention of doing it, no matter how much he likes my black wife.