Bikes on the NCR trail Saturday.

Dang I had a busy weekend. Left for a hike on the NCR trail Saturday at 8:00 a.m. I’m gonna tell ya. Don’t hike that trail, not when the weather’s nice. You’ll get run over by yuppies on bikes they never ride otherwise. I’m not gonna rag on people who have bikes they rarely ride. I know a lot of people who do this, and they generally ride very cautiously and courteously when they do ride. So it’s all good and all that. I mean people who get on a bike and ride it like they drive their SUV.

First, rules of the trail dictate that bikes yield to everyone. Everyone. Including and especially hikers. The rules also state that you announce your wish to pass via a bell or horn. Not and jerk-toned, “On your left!” I swear I wanted to clothesline a few of them sumbitches and then shake them and beg them to do two things that very few of the people I saw Saturday knew how to do:

1) Properly adjust one’s seat-post for the benefit of one’s knees and because people riding with their seats too low look, well, needlessly fat. I know. I made that mistake two years ago and got sore knees and unwelcome reflections of myself looking fat and squatted over in the glass of the carwash I drove past on the way to school.

2) Grease one’s dang chain. I muttered to one such wanker’s, “On your left!” with, “I know. I can hear your squeaky @#$%ing chain!” Seriously. When your chain is the color of fire, you’re in trouble.

There were some cyclists who paid attention to the rules and greeted myself and my ped-trekking pals with friendly “Hellos” and “Howyadoins.” There was also a crazy lady who passed us and almost ran into another cyclist that she should have seen, making the other lady stop. The not-at-fault had the manners to only calming say to the old lady, “You shouldn’t do that.” Someone, I’m not saying who, called the dumb and reckless one stupid. Not me.

However, if you cut off two guys on bikes on University Parkway last Friday and got an earful of some powerful words, that was me. Next time, I’m gonna let you graze me and pay my student loans off for me. That was also me giving METAL to the little guys at Gilman practicing I don’t know what.

You don’t know what METAL is? Well, you’ll have to find a North Baltimore Bike Brigade ride to join in on and experience it for yourself. There is one tonight, after dark. However, you know, the club is only two guys right now. But damn, we can do the METAL. It’s like fifteen guys. Honestly. With dogs and horns and guns and junk. Really. Wait till we get our T-shirts made. The first of the series will have the slogan: NO JERSEYS! Sorry if you wear them. But it’s funny.