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In a world where we are running out of oil and where there are traffic and road problems that seem like they will never go away, maybe part of the solution is to stop giving every idiot with a birth certificate and proof of a residence a mf-in driver’s license.

Take the stupid bitch we have all heard about recently who killed a cyclist, apparently on purpose(?), while drunk behind the wheel. She was driving on a suspended license from getting caught driving shit-faced before. Wtf? Yeah, I would apologize for my nasty language, if you could tell me a better term for this, this thing.

See also the hag bitch whose car killed the police officer here in Baltimore on New Year’s Eve. It’s still not clear if she was driving(?), but why the hell did she still have possession of her car? She was arrested for not showing up in court for a drunk driving charge after the death of the police officer. They should have taken her car away when they caught her drunk driving, no? They should have gone looking for her when she didn’t show up for court. What is the lesson? That you can drive drunk in Baltimore, not show up for your court date, and you can just go about your business — unless someone kills a police officer with your car, at which time they will drag you out of your house, cameras filming your old saggies falling out of your shirt and your fried hair blowing in freakishly warm January air?

I would give up all the nice new bike lanes we are getting in Baltimore, the signs, the bike route markings, the reminders to drivers to not kill us. I would give it up if the money got spent on keeping scum like this off the road. I mean it.

Besides, I almost got hit by the same idiot who also almost caused an accident with cars this weekend — twice. Because he didn’t know where he was going. Because the fact that he did not know where he was going somehow excused him from darting out into traffic (almost nailing me), cutting people off to change lanes, stopping, darting back out of traffic (causing me to skid hard, and, damn, thank the gods I lock my arms when I stop like that, lest I would have gone over the handlebars).

I would hope that, with time, people think more about who else is on the road. But they won’t. They don’t even think about other cars. This jackass yesterday caused a problem for more cars than the two bikes he nearly wrecked.

Most* people are stupid when they are in cars. I know. I was, too. I used to sit in my car and plan out stuff to buy, think about people I hated, listen to music and drive around the country to forget problems I did not want to think about or deal with. I would sometimes get aggressive, blowing the horn at morons in Carbondale who did not stop at STOP signs, apparently one of only five people in that town who used the car’s horn. I honestly drove several times when I was too damned tired to be driving and probably put myself and other people at risk in doing so. But I was in a car, so I thought I was unstoppable. I don’t know; maybe cars only made me a jackass.

I hope peak oil means less idiots driving around in metal boxes that can kill people. We have lots of roads cyclists can use. How freakin sweet would it be to ride up 95 to Boston for my 40th birthday, in a dozen years? I like the idea of riding across the country on former highways. Sort of evokes something from Fight Club and puts me in mind of a hot-air balloon propelled by bike, so I could ride to Paris and look great when I got there. All buff and stanky and really in the mood for a nice cafe’ au lait.

[*Calm down. I said, "most."]

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I have had some low-cut Chucks since 2004. They are black, since they match my favorite socks, which are puke/lime green. They were super dorky and too-clean for a long time. Then they got broken in a little. I discovered that they are the best cycling shoes; at least, that I like them best. This year, finally, they were awesome. Falling apart and beaten-up just right. But the week before last, I realized why my feet were so freaking cold. A big ole’ hole in the back of my right shoe.

So I started all over and bought some new ones. I kicked around a dozen colors, from red (“chili”) to tan to green. I picked grey. “Charcoal.” I debated tying them to my bike and running them through some mud and road dirt, but that just felt kind of inauthentic and stupid. And that I might rip them and have to buy more. The color makes them look almost faded already, and I’m not one of those dorky dudes with shiny Chucks. Plus, they totally match those socks.

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Holy Oily Sand, Batman! Shell’s CEO, Jeroen van der Veer, admits that peak oil might be here in seven years. Read the story and letter here.

What is “peak oil”? “Peak oil is the point in time at which the maximum global petroleum production rate is reached, after which the rate of production enters its terminal decline. If global consumption is not mitigated before the peak, the availability of conventional oil will drop and prices will rise, perhaps dramatically.”

That means that we’re running out. Guess who’s going to get oil when it really starts to disappear? Not you, not me. Probably the airlines, industry, the government — all groups who should have freakin seen this coming. Maybe rich people will be apple to get oil. Probably. I can see all the cars in Hampden and Roland Park disappearing for tiny versions of their former selves, more bikes (which now sell for two thousand dollars), then the huge houses down the street from me on University Parkway having land yachts with combination locks on the gas tank doors and armed guards circling them. The engines left running as a disturbing display of wealth.

Not to mention things made of oil like plastic. Starbucks might charge you for that lid soon, man. Plastic will replace gold for bling!

What? You just bought a big SUV or hovercraft? That sucks for you, dude.

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[Larger.]

For Photo Friday: The Machine.

This is, of course, very tongue in cheek. I just thought, you know, it might be more interesting than a photo of my bike. I’m not going to join some sort of revolutionary force to overthrow the government. Totally not. Honest. Come on, it’s funny. Right? Not me — I’m gentle and fuzzy. Huggy, too. Half of my family works for the Gubbmint. Don’t call the fuzz please.

One of my favorite shirts has long since rotted off of my shoulders from being worn so much. It was a Rage Against The Machine shirt in white, with a photo of nuns with guns. It was awesome. I never got enough compliments on it. I had a The Clash shirt on last year at Wholefoods, and a middle-aged guy who probably went to see them in person when I was a wee lad gave me a nice compliment. I was stoked. Compliments are good.

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I know. Everyone thinks I officially hate summer and must therefore love winter. I am trying to like summer, though, at least the hot weather. I mean, this is central Maryland, and it’s not like the climate is getting colder around here or more predictable. But summer certainly has its charms.

I have always liked hot drinks and sweaters and cold weather. Recently, I have given up my sweater pretentiousness in favor of the flannel that I think I am genetically pre-disposed to prefer. Must be something with the buttons or chest pocket or something. But, as I get older, my hands crank and flake, and I find that my feet get cold on the old wooden floors in my apartment. To say nothing of the extra cycling gear you have to strap on and tug around in the winter.

I can’t figure out which I prefer, but I think that’s Okay. It’s not like I get to pick a season and for Baltimore to be that way forever. I suppose what Thoreau wrote in “A Winter Walk” is true:

The wonderful purity of nature at this season is a most pleasing fact. Every decayed stump and moss-grown stone and rail, and the dead leaves of autumn, are concealed by a clean napkin of snow. In the bare fields and tinkling woods, see what virtue survives. In the coldest and bleakest places, the warmest charities still maintain a foot-hold. A cold and searching wind drives away all contagion, and nothing can withstand it but what has a virtue in it; and accordingly, whatever we meet with in cold and bleak places, as the tops of mountains, we respect for a sort of sturdy innocence, a Puritan toughness. All things beside seem to be called in for shelter, and what stays out must be part of the original frame of the universe, and of such valor as God himself. It is invigorating to breathe the cleansed air. Its greater fineness and purity are visible to the eye, and we would fain stay out long and late, that the gales may sigh through us too, as through the leafless trees, and fit us for the winter;—as if we hoped so to borrow some pure and steadfast virtue, which will stead us in all seasons.

After our weekly band practice, the boys and I hit the Dunkin Donuts on 41st Street in what is technically I-don’t-know-what but what gets counted as Hampden usually. We enjoy our treats and coffee/hot chocolate standing at the bottom of the steps there at Tower Square. We even have our customary standing spots. I lean on the railing, and Paulie stands on my left against the wall, Dan against the wall on the right. It’s as much fun as band practice, and the ritual helps us unwind, I think. (Pictured here and here.)

Last night’s practice was a little frustrating since we intend to start recording and soon. We were doing some rough-draft recording already last week and this week. Put in some new monitor speakers last night and got a late start.

Anyway, there we were last night. I heard Dan yell, “Oh, shit!” and I heard the rustle of a plastic bag and steps on the stairs. A fractional second of silence and the unmistakable sound of a head hitting the sidewalk.

Thud.

I know this sound because, well, I’ve hit my head on the sidewalk enough to know and have the scars to prove it. (For the record, several of these happened after I decided to major in philosophy, thank you.) But last night, it was as loud to my ears as if it were my own head.

We rushed over, and there was a man with silver hair and blue eyes sprawled on his back, eyes rolled back and mouth wide open. I know what I thought. I thought he was dead. I had never seen anyone’s eyes roll back like that. I know from talking later than Dan and Paulie thought so, too. That we just saw someone die.

I have been told I am calm in emergencies, like changing a tire along an interstate at night, someone bleeding like a hog, etc. I take that as a compliment. So last night, I don’t think I panicked enough, in a bad way. I was a dud at first. I found myself standing over this guy looking at his eyes for signs of movement while dialing 9-1-1 on my cell phone and waiting to hit SEND. Dan did the right thing, though, and tried to get the guy to talk and come to, which he successfully did. He got him to say his name. Warren. After a few minutes, he regained some consciousness, and we got him propped up against a wall. He left blood on the sidewalk and a smear on the wall. Paulie got him some napkins, and he was wiping the blood from his own head and telling us he was “all right, believe me.” For a head wound, he was not bleeding very much at all.

He was clean-shaven but had snow in his jacket and blood near his ear, which must have been from a fall other than the tumble down the snowless stairs we were congregating at. He smelled like booze but was coherent enough to have gone to Supercrap to buy toothpaste.

With some struggling, we got him to his feet and tried to talk to him. To see if we could take him home, call someone for him, maybe the doctor. He got slightly more coherent and thanked us dozens of times, with at least seven rounds of handshakes. I noticed that we all silently avoided the blood on the back of his right hand, for which I felt badly later, even though there were probably good reason. He left up the stairs he fell down, and we saw him go around the whole mess and start down Hickory, hopefully toward home. Hopefully not toward bed, lest he would have gotten a blood clot and died in the night, alone, with a bag of toothpaste.

We were talking yesterday about living in the city when we heard two men arguing over the same steps. Sometimes other people’s drama can be entertaining, when they drunkenly argue over who is the best friend and then “go down Falls Road to prove it.” But when people crack their heads on the sidewalk, it’s just downright scary.

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[Larger.]

After Easter this past spring, we had a band practice at Dan’s house. We were fooling around in the kitchen, and someone got the idea to melt a marshmallow Peep in the microwave. I thought it would be funny and whipped my camera out. It was funny, albeit somewhat yucky.

It smelled like eggs and meat. Know why? Yeah, there’s gelatin in there. “Gelatin is a protein produced by partial hydrolysis of collagen extracted from the bones, connective tissues, organs, and some intestines of animals such as the domesticated cattle, and horses.” I learned what gelatin was right when I went veggie when I was browsing a book about vegetarianism in Cambridge, and I was disappointed at the number of things that currently have that crap in them. Pop Tarts. Frosted Mini Wheats. Yeah, your breakfast has horse bone and bung in it. I wonder if kids would eat Jello if they knew what it was.

But now I’m nearly preaching, which I don’t mean to do. The idea that your sweet treat has gross by-product freaks out some folks who do eat meat that I know. Apparently, I dropped a bomb on them much like the one that shrapnels your legs when you find out what’s in a hotdog.

I miss Pop Tarts.

For Photo Friday: Disastrous.

I was thinking this morning in the shower about that whole “I disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it” thing. You’ve probably gotten a similar email like I have, which is supposedly written by some guy who was in the Vietnam War or the current situation in Iraq or some other official war. This alleged soldier talks about how great life in America is, how terrible it was in Iraq. How we are so free and Iraqis were so oppressed and how everyone in Iraq is so much better off since we invaded their country, overthrew their leader and screwed up everything so badly that suicide bombs and shootings don’t even make it onto/into most mainstream American media outlets very much anymore. This person who claims to be a soldier of some war (and the wars change, while the email does not, proving at least half of it a lie) goes on to talk about “protesters” and other people who speak their minds. It goes something like this:

“Boy, I sure don’t know why you’re saying that and blaming us for how screwed up Iraq is now. I mean, it was not our President’s fault, not my fault. It was the bad guy’s fault. [That things have only gotten worse without the bad guy is, evidently, irrelevant.] Can’t you hippies just shut up? But, you know, I am over here defending FREEDOM, your freedom. I’m fighting for your freedom of speech. And then you just use it against me. I don’t understand. But I am a better person than you are for fighting for your free speech that you throw at me, and everyone who put me and all these guns here is right and better than you. We have Jesus on our side, one nation under God, etc. etc.”

The email I’m paraphrasing is about free speech, obviously.

So I was thinking of flag burning and how that is related. I mean, do we have freedom of expression or speech? I mean it; I don’t really understand. And what kinds of expression are Okay? Am I free to express my anger at racist bungholes who do everything but drop the N-word and then say, “What? I’m not racist. I didn’t call him a n—–. Don’t be so sensitive”? Because, you know, not liking negative talk about “them blacks” makes me a sissy. Am I free to express my rage when some jerkass on his cell phone almost flattens me with his SUV making in illegal right turn while I’m out cycling somewhere? Or when some yuppy can’t control his or her kid in a coffeeshop? Rather, my question is not whether or not I can express my rage but whether I can do it with fire and/or destruction.

Of course not. I am not free to hurt another person’s body or property. But that’s my point.

Maybe advocates of flag burning are invoking the wrong American right (funny, I know). Maybe it’s not our right to speech but our right to property they should cite. A nylon piece of material with colors on it is a piece of property, no? No one can take a flag that I own. But I can do what I want with my property, so long as it does not hurt anyone else, right? So maybe we have the right to safely, within fire codes and laws, of course, burn whatever piece of our own proptery we want to, so long as the taxpayers don’t have to pay for that hook and ladder to roll up and put out all our flaming crap?

Better keep your receipt.

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Dan, F and I took a nice long ride Sunday for the North Baltimore Bike Brigade’s first ride of 2008. We met at the Watertower after F and I exchanged something at Atomic Books and headed down University Parkway to San Martin Drive, to Druid Hill Park, around the park and neighborhood and then through Woodberry and up the long hill to Roland Park.

On University Parkway, there are bike lanes where I live and new ones in front of the stadium at Hopkins. Between 40th Street and the new lanes past San Martin Drive, there are bike route indicators. I was feeling good about this as I rode over one. While they are not as nice as bike lanes, they raise awareness. And now the wanker that gives you shit for being on the road can be reminded that cyclists in Maryland are afforded the right to be on the road — though not to hog it. Anyway, I was admiring the raised paint when some jackass almost hit me. He wanted to make a right onto Tudor Arms, and he/she was not looking at me and almost ran me over at least a hundred feet from his/her turn. I gave him/her the extended, full-arm and verbal single digit salute, once I realized that I almost got run over. I was in the front, and Dan and F yelled, “John[ny]!!” I could have keyed his Volvo, he was so close.

Hmm, maybe I should make a Freddy-styled pair of bike gloves with old keys on the tips for such bad drivers who deserve their precious paint on their cars to have F. U. C. K. U! scratched into the side.

Wait, that might be hard to scratch while riding. But I could at least pay them back for their almost flattening me with something to remember me by, in addition to the bike fat finger.

Anyway, we had a great ride. The part of the city we live in is one of the highest points in Baltimore, so there are lots of hills to race down and to muscle up. It all, all of it, the whole thing, builds character. Despite the cold, we were sweaty and thirsty at the end. So we celebrated in my apartment with some Brooklyn Brewery Black Chocolate Stout.

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[Much larger.]

I forgot that I never put this photo on the blog, and today’s Photo Friday is Mountain. This is the view from Maryland Heights, overlooking Harper’s Ferry. No, I did not steal this photo. Everyone takes this photo if they brave the corkscrew trail up the mountain. The view and the brisk air are more than worth the sweat you’ll work up. In fact, the cold air does the trick for that sweating and panting.

Did I mention the view?

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Moleskinerie is four years old on the 12th and going strong. Four years — that translates to what in blog years? Like sixty? Congrats to Armand, with thanks for such a wonderful site.

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So I woke up Monday from a busy weekend to a warm morning. My window faces East, and I greeted the sun with a big streeeeeeeeetch. And I pinched/pulled/tweaked something in my neck and back. I was planning on being productive that day, maybe doing some cooking, a bike ride. Instead, I was down all day, then most of yesterday. Aleve did not work at all. All the warnings kind of freaked me out, too. You’re supposed to drink an entire glass of water and call your doctor if you feel like the pill is stuck in your throat. Ick. I took four Advil with dinner yesterday before band practice. Four is the same dosage I know I can take safely, from what they gave me when I had a tooth accident fixed once. Anyway, those huge blue pills didn’t do anything and just got me weirded out.

Or maybe it’s just the first time I actually bothered to read drug warnings.

It still hurts today, but I can keep my head up straight and was just in a good mood anyway. Took three walks, went shopping made a batch of burritos, did some birthday shopping for the Mrs. and took care of a job application. Much better.

I did have a good weekend, too, with a lot of good food. I will get some photos going soon, mostly at Flickr.

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[Larger.]

Man I have a lot to do tomorrow/today/Friday. It’s days like these when I wish I were still meditating instead of sucking at the teet of the caffeine god and having hot sauce on my breakfast. At least we had a fun band practice tonight and an hour and a half standing outside chatting over hot chocolate when it was twenty degrees. I love when it is this cold.

Fleece socks never felt so good.

Photo Friday: Passage of Time.

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The holiday is officially over for me. I am home in my apartment, amidst a mess of stuff from Ikea that can’t really get set up until the Salvation Army comes for the couch Friday. 8:30-4:30, you know how it goes. I put away the Christmas decorations and left out a few wintery ones. My sister-in-law and her boyfriend are coming into town this weekend and are staying over with us Saturday night, our first overnight guests since Carbondale. Wicked fun will follow.

Lots of cleaning will precede. A few Ikea goodies are out. An extra shelf in the thing that holds our television and receiver and etc. is up and holds some photos. I am typing on a new computer desk. Horray for sliding drawers. Tomorrow I have to go through a dozen storage boxes on the GORM to switch out for the new boxes we bought that look less like you have more stuff than you have closet space. Hopefully, I’ll be able to rid our apartment of some stuff sitting around.

In some ways, I am sad that the holiday is over. Strange to say for someone my age, but I enjoy my family. But it’s time to get back to job hunting and novel editing and my normal routine.

And I am making chili tomorrow, so lower Roland Park will smell great.