I am teaching a group of little dudes about cycling, a sort of course/class. Safety, maintenance, the difference between all them there tubes rolling around on a bike, etc. The kids are between the ages of 11 and 16 and are definitely into video games and the like. Two of them have ridden a bike like twice. And, frankly, they don’t go outside to play like I did when I was their age. I was afraid that they might not be all that interested when my surrogate uncle suggested the endeavor.

Last night, I explained in general, how a bike works, where there are bearings, how everything on a bike has a purpose, how they can learn to ride around sans car and driver’s license, how they can be self-sufficient and free on a bike. Most of all, that riding a bike is fun, not just something for hippies, raceheads, the Dutch and people who don’t want cars.

I think they dug the idea.

They actually asked questions, thought using a chain tool/breaker (which we did because a chain needed to be replaced on someone’s bike) was cool, wanted to know more about things like fenders. Of course, I haven’t showed them how to grease wheel hubs yet, what tire Slime smells like (ick!) or taken them into traffic where they have never ever been in the position of driver. That can be scary for anyone. But I think they have it in them. If the project continues, I think the cycling community might gain a few young members. Enthusiastic ones! If you see ten people with blinking red lights (my rule) riding around North Baltimore city this spring, that’s us.

Photo Friday: Emotions. At the risk of sounding corny and/or overly dramatic, here is the plane that changed the world, that the door that did it.

I suppose one could respond that the nature of his gear was to prevent a wreck, not to protect himself. Maybe he likes his bike a lot and does not want a crash. Maybe he likes cars and does not want to mess up people’s cars that might hit him.

Or maybe he thinks that getting hit from behind by a car that does not see him is the only way he’s going to get smashed. Not the Door Prize. Not jerk-ass joggers who avoid empty sidewalks to walk swiftly with jaunty hips in the bike lanes, with traffic, not against it. Not holes in the road or old storm drains with grates that run parallel to the street. Just saying.

I’m genuinely confused — not trying to start a helmet vs. no-helmet fight. I’ll cop to riding sans helmet during the two months in 2005 between when I bought my bike and when we sold our car.  I’m confused most by folks who clearly have safety in mind but still don’t wear helmets.

I’m not certain how useful/effective my chain cleaner was for chain cleaning because, frankly, I waited too long to clean our chains and over-did the lube last time i put it on — and used too-sticky lube.  The jury’s out, though it is fun to use.  But this cog brush worked great for getting the crud out of our cassettes, chainrings and pullies.  It looked like it got run over by a greasy truck when I was finished, but, hey.  It took one for the team.  It cleaned up pretty well, too.

For Photo Friday: Found Object.

Which is why the one about bikes makes me mad. It has some big-toothed Victorian wankers talking about comfort, French cheese, bringing a bike back if you don’t like it, etc. The implication is that bikes are an outdated means of getting around, one that, with the rest of the commercials, I think counts as more of a statement. That those of us on bikes that are actually more modern than the Planet Killers a lot of people drive are somehow old-fashioned. That we are ugly ladies who want a pillow under our butts and a creepy mustached guy riding around with us.

Watch the video here.

I don’t know. They are in the business of selling cars, so maybe they are threatened by the fact that more bikes are sold yearly than cars. Maybe they deliberately targeted cycling. Maybe what’s next is like the anti-global warming morons who try to sell us jacked-up science. Maybe Ford and GM will start funding studies about cycling as unhealthy, dangerous, etc.

Or maybe they’ll want in on the action and start making bikes, which would be pretty nice. Those companies have a lot of money they could invest in infrastructure. GM got rid of streetcars and got buses into major cities. Maybe they could get bikes there, too. Not to mention the sweet designs they might be able to come up with. A Mustang bike?!

0% Financing on all new 2008 bikes! Taxes and registration extra.

Professional driver. Closed course.10,000 mpg (EPA estimated)

Model shown with optional equipment.

I went to a St. Patrick’s Day Tea at The Crown and Thistle this weekend with my parents and aunt.  I was wearing a very green sweater and my red beard.  A quiet lady who worked there put her hand on my shoulder as she was walking by our table and told me, “You look like one of our real Irishmen today.”  I took that as a compliment.  I wore several pieces of green yesterday to a family party.  More today.  I’m drinking Irish tea and listening to Celtic music and enjoying the sun.  I am not much in the mood for drinking, though I think my heritage requires at least a pint or two of Guinness tonight, with the cabbage I am eating for dinner.

I delivered a head of cabbage to my parents’ house in Hampden on my bike rack today, wearing green.  I’m like a leprechaun today, I swear.

We were chatting about our last fishing trip. It was one in the morning. I began to film a bit with my mobile phone while the others were chatting and joking. Suddenly we heard something - a weird noise as if someone was throwing stones. We looked to one side and saw that the grass was moving. To begin with we thought it was a dog but when we saw this gnome-like figure begin to emerge we were really afraid.

Watch the video to see his walk, which is probably the scariest part of all.

Where I live now, it is a different story. We have some chains like REI and Performance Bike. Some local chains like Princeton Sports and Hudson Trail Outfitters (where I bought my bike). A few truly local bike shops, yes. But the only one close to me is really devoted to “raceheads”, and I am not walking in there with my hybrid full of heavy utility accessories like lights, rack, fenders, bell, etc. No offense if you’re into racing or that un-named shop. It’s just not my thing. Enough people have made fun of me for me to not want to that particular shop for anything. I know, it’s my issue, in my head, etc. Okay.

Which brings up not going to the LBS anymore except for parts. When I bought my bike last fall, it came with free lifetime tune-ups. Lifetime. That’s sweet. It’s a little far to ride to on a damaged or needs-tune-up bike, but free is free. However, they have a 5-7 day “turn around.” Only owning one bike right now, I really prefer to, you know, have it. I have a membership there (which actually has paid itself several times over in the form of awesome sales and free online shipping), but they said there is only so much they can do to rush, even for members, especially during “bike season.” I decided I’d tune my own bike up and stop being so afraid of messing something up and/or getting very dirty.

I learned to do the most frequent things you get for a standard tune-up. It’s nice to be self-sufficient in small ways with such a self-sufficiency-inducing machine like a bike. I mean, part of the freedom of cycling is that you can do almost everything that needs to be done to it yourself, if you’re a commuter.

Lately, Mr. Dan Dan The Gih-tar Man and I have been learning the harder things to do and about the finer details of our bikes. Cranks, bottom brackets, cassette removal, etc. I have not touched a headset yet, but that’s coming soon. I’m still nervous about some tasks and probably take a long time to do them, but there are some things I am getting good at. I can clean a mean drivetrain. I mean, seriously, I got my chain down to the bare metal a few weeks ago, and it was black and sticky from neglect. Given the dirty streets around here during the dry summer and the fact that I used crappy lube (and too much of it) last time, this was an accomplishment, I tell you. I can get brakes perfectly adjusted. I am developing my wheel-truing skills, too. I totally have a fantasy of being the best non-shop wheel truer in North Baltimore, who will true wheels in the summer for the price of one six-pack of local beer, in the winter for one cup of Dunkin Donuts or Zeke’s coffee.

In fact, I am going to help Dan with The Mule tonight at his house, with my folding truing stand.

“Are you gonna ride down?” asked Dan.
“I don’t know. Why?”
“Because then you’d be a service bike! Coming down on a bike with tools to fix another bike, that’s awesome!”
“Holy shit, you’re right! I’ll get that sumbitch on my rack one way or another,” I declared.

So if you see a dude on a Giant hybrid with a wheel and truing stand mounted to a bike in North Baltimore tonight, ding your bell at me and meet us at Dunkin Donuts later. The one on 41st. You know.

Next year, I want to use bike trailers instead of pickup trucks.  Like these.

[While I'm nicely bearded currently, that is not me.  That is my friend Zack.  Nor is that my father in the other photo.  Just saying.]

1) “The Simpsons”
2) “The Simpsons”
3) “The Simpsons”
4) “The Simpsons”
5) “The Simpsons”
6) “The Simpsons”
7) “The Simpsons”
8) “The Simpsons”
9) “The Simpsons”
10) “The Simpsons”

is complete crap. I don’t believe that whoever made this list have ever seen any other shows.  In fact, I hereby charge that the group or board or person who made this list has never seen anything on television before.

I’m very glad I stopped paying my Mensa dues. Really, I did. It was expensive.  What? Oh, yeah, I got into Mensa.  I’m not stupid or anything you know.  Geez.  Dang.  Come to think of it, maybe that would be good on a resume’.  Maybe I should pay my dues.  Make up for the whole spent-my-adult-life-in-school thing.