Asshole things people do when you’re pregnant, part ii.

Tell you what to do!

I don’t mean people who give  you genuine advice on things like how to give a baby a bath, how awesome Boppies are, where to get really cool toys or what kind of non-disposable diapers worked (or didn’t) for them.  Not only do I not consider this kind of advice to enter into the realm of assholedom; I think it’s helpful.  I appreciate it. I never heard of a Boppy before some friends of ours turned us on to them.  I didn’t know how to give a baby a bath at all (and am still fuzzy on it).  We were steered away from certain cloth diapers by folks who have tried them and told us what they liked and didn’t like about them.  We found many cool giraffe toys at Target.  I am seriously grateful for a lot of the good advice people have offered.  And, lest I be accused of being negative and hateful, it outnumbers the asshole bossiness because I’ve been avoiding the latter folks whenever I can.

This is not the same thing as forcing your opinions and your issues on someone.  A list of sweeping generalizations, categorical imperatives, issues and misguided/misinformed opinions people have shoved down my throat (and I mean shoved):

You can’t raise your baby vegetarian.
You have to get a car!  You need a car!  You’re being stupid!
You’re going to regret not using “normal” Huggies [which were the only thing I tried].
I hope your baby don’t turn out too dark.
You gotta baptize that baby.  It won’t know no religion if you don’t.
You worry too much.
You think too much.
You have to/can’t vaccinate that baby.
You ain’t putting that kid on no bike.  No way.
Babies need meat!
One of you’s gotta stay home with that baby.

(I’m not going to give myself a headache by pointing out how half of this stuff is not even, according to most research, true.)

First of all, this is completely ridiculous.  Parenthood seems, in a way, to be the ultimate exercise in authority.  You have responsibility for an entire life.  For better or for worse (groan), that’s power.  Telling someone what to do with their dependent child is, in a way, stupid.

Second, by telling someone what to do with their child, you are assuming that: A) You’re not an idiot; and, B) The people you’re bossing around are idiots.  This is  insulting.  And, considering that all parents make mistakes and that some of them make big ones (and that I can’t help but notice that bossier people tend to be, in my eyes, shitty parents coincidentally), this is delusional about  yourself, i.e., that you can do something better than the person you’re bossing around, simply by virtue of the fact that you’ve already had a kid or two (or four).  I’ve already had the pleasure of sitting through people telling me what to do and how to raise my unborn child, when these are people who have not only completely fucked their own kids up, but who are, to be frank, stupid.

Third, you’re being rude — at best.  You’re not respecting the differences between people’s values.  You eat meat; we do not.  You drive everywhere in a car; we do not.  You buy whatever’s on sale; we think more about it, even if that means we have to sacrifice something else to pay for it (and what we do with our money is none of your business).  You think medical science is stupid if it contradicts what you decide is right with no medical or scientific training; we think that medicine and science are best left to researchers, not to products, out-dated practices and presuppositions.  (Sure, perhaps I can be accused of not respecting the values of a person who is wrong, thinks he/she is right and then forces it on people. So be it.  I don’t value or respect it.)

The useless aspect of this angry post is that most of the people I’m talking about don’t read  blogs at all, and none of them actually reads this one.  (So don’t get your panties in a bunch.)  I’m talking to the wind.  Or,  maybe, to a person someone else knows, who is tempted to get bossy might find it on the web after they bossed a person and got cussed out?  So maybe it’ll help someone?  Or, at least, I think it bears saying somewhere.  There’s a lot written about how to deal with bossy people, but nothing I’ve seen directed to these bossy people themselves.

Do you know what?  It’s not Okay to do that.  We shouldn’t have to deal with it; you should stop it.

But since people won’t stop it, I have to echo what everyone else says.  Remember that you are the parent[s].  Your child is everything.  Your child means more than other people’s feelings.  Do what I don’t have the guts to do and tell people who tell you have to raise your kid to shut the hell up.

See part i for more fun!