Asshole things people do when you’re pregnant, part i.

Smother you with their drama.

Okay, so I’ll brag about being a good listener.  I have friends and family members (and a wife) who take advantage of this in a way that is beneficial for us all.  Some people need a good listener, and good listeners usually like to listen and to be helpful by doing so.  Then there are people who (insert sarcasm and raise volume) really take advantage of good listeners.

When the answer to, “How are you?” or, “How was your [period of time]?” or “Hi,” is a ten minute speech about what you had for dinner, what you’re thinking of having for lunch, what aches and pains you have today, what small worries that any adult should be able to deal with and other bullshit most people never even say outloud — when this is a litany without even a returned, “How are you?” I no longer have patience for  you.

You can fuck off.

Buy a journal.  Your mental/emotional health is less important to me than my incoming child — so much less that it makes me feel guilty and then mad for feeling guilty for giving a shit about people who are so self-absorbed that they steal time away from an expectant father who they are fully aware is completely busy, tired, stressed and could probably use a bit of a listener himself.  Frankly, like any other human being, I only have so much patience to go around, and you can’t have any more of it.

This isn’t even about personality “types.”  I am an introvert, and I am married to an extrovert.  We balance each other out.  What annoys me about “speechers” is not their extroversion but their self-centered bullshit.  Being an extrovert doesn’t mean you have to be selfish.  My wife is certainly not.  If anything, I’d expect introverts to be this self-absorbed.*

I know I could just hint, nudge some individuals away gently, but this is a faulty approach to two reasons.  First, I’m a sucker and a wimp.  Second, I like to think that I like to help people when I can.  While it’s easy to tell someone to fuck off online (especially when they don’t read your blog or even know you have one), it’s another matter in person.  Third, speechers don’t get hints!  I know people who will keep talking to you when your cell phone rings, even when you say, “It’s my wife,” and they know this wife is pregnant!  Geez.

That is all the bitching for today.  Stay tuned for everyone’s favorite asshole thing people do when you’re pregnant: tell you what to do!

*[Of course, while we're on the topic of "types," what's also annoying is an extrovert masquerading as an introvert, as if you can fool anyone.  "I'm an introvert who has to think everything outloud to other people," is an incorrect assessment of how you deal with things.  There's no shame to being an extrovert!]