
With all the bullshit we keep hearing about rats, garbage everywhere, trashcans with lids and idiots complaining about any kind of change that will make them take an extra step to do anything, we’re forgetting about our yet-again-improved recycling program. In case you’re not lucky enough to live here, One PLUS One started this week. That is, city residents get their trash picked up on one day of the week and their recycling picked up on another. Everyone’s mad at DPW. God forbid anyone try to improve something, wait, I mean, CHANGE something and force people out of lazy habits.
This is the kind of thing that can get Baltimore some good national press. How much better can a recycling program be than to take everything recyclable from your home every single week? Do cities like Portland and Chicago have recycling programs like this? But this is Baltimore, right? And our local news is run by a bunch of complete DOWNERS.
Two years ago, we got cans, glass, #1 and #2 plastic picked up once a month and paper picked up once a month. It was, at best, a basic recycling program for a large, modern city. Then Sheila Dixon started us on twice a month single-stream recycling. Not only that, but if you paid attention, the plastics they would take increased from #1-2 to #1-7. A lot of household plastic is #4-5, so this was an awesome, if quiet, improvement. More recently, it was announced that these plastics even included things that had oil like butter containers, etc. Up until last week, city residents could put all their paper, metal, plastic and glass out twice a month and have it recycled for them. Up until last week, we had a very nice recycling system.
Starting this week, we get the same single-stream recycling pick-ups, but we get them every week. EVERY WEEK! How many cities are there where you put out basically everything in your home that is recyclable, and the city takes it all away every single week, without even requiring you to have a special container?
We don’t hear about this in our local news. All we hear about is that “trash” pick-up has been reduced to once a week. “And I been having dat pick-up day fer ferty years!” Oh, shit! There are gonna be more rats! More trash in the streets! People are gonna ferrgit! “Now I gotta git me a ke-an wiff a lid!”
Well, folks, you were never supposed to leave your fucking trash out without a can in the first place. This has always been a law, but it has seldom been enforced. Do you leave your trash out behind your home in bags? Well, blame yourself for the plague of rats in this fucking city. You did your part to bring them here, so why don’t you take a few in as pets or at least name a few of the fuckers and keep feeding them your trash that you leave all over your alley? You think trash is gonna be all over the alleys? Simple. Put it in your can. Did you know that trash in cans with tight lids usually stays there? (I know; HOLY SHIT! What a concept!)
You don’t think that three 32-gallon cans is enough for you? You create more than 96 fucking gallons of trash a week?! What are you putting in your trash? Do you use it for a toilet also?
Guess what? Sheila figured out a way to FORCE you lazy fucking 35% of Baltimoreans who don’t recycle at all. Ha! Ha! You think recycling is some liberal bullshit? Fine. Be stupid. But now you’re gonna be stupid and recycle, fuckers.
There, I’ve cussed enough on the innernetz today.












