Riding the bus the other morning, I joked that Michael Moore is probably working on one of his signature documentaries about BP’s infuckingsane oil spill, our country’s dependence on oil and how certain political factions and certain oil companies (perhaps the industry itself) seem to be so close as to require lube and common-law legal sanction (what?).  I suggested that he must be calling it Spill, Baby, Spill! after the mindless and heartless chant among, well, morons two years ago.

I don’t recall what I’d consider sufficient fanfare when BP closed it’s alternative energy HQ last year, proving that anything “beyond petroleum” must mean either money or, how I’d like to refer to them, as BEYOND THE PIPELINE (and forgive me if greater minds have already made this pun).  By insufficient fanfare, I mean that even people I know without their heads completely up their collective butt[s] (which is to say only half, which is the best that most of us achieve) didn’t know about it.

Anyway, I’m hoping that Michael Moore checks WordPress tags because, if he’s not going to make a film with this title, he should.  Please do.  I’m interested in what choice of music we could look forward to and hearing certain political factions blubber when they have to answer questions they’re not prepared for, when they’re not chanting like Nazi’s or war protesters who don’t really believe what they’re saying.

I know I’m not the only one who’s disappointed in what appears to be a lack of action from President Obama.  What more can he do?  Well, I want to see a video going around YouTube featuring text that runs something like this.

Now I’m calling on all Americans to not only boycott BP [pause] but also to try and [pause] live a little differently [pause] because this oil spill is the fault of BP, yes [pause] we know that.  We know that this company is run by greedy white men who are backed by greedy white politicians.  [pause]  But do you know who really caused this oil spill, America?

[really big pause]

You did.

[big pause]

You brought this on us, you selfish, lazy motherfuckers.  [pause]  Your insistence on driving yourselves all over the place in your big fucking cars and trucks and SUVs.  [pause]  You short-sighted pieces of shit who complain that you “need” your fucking cars instead of using your imaginations and arranging your life, your location, your activities a little differently.  [pause]  Because when you say that you “need” your cars, you’re saying that you are unwilling to change anything about your life but instead insist that the oil industry, the auto industry, the basics of chemistry and physics through which you are killing our motherfucking planet –  [pause]  You’re insisting that these things all change so that you don’t have to.  [pause]  That, or you’re so fucking stupid and sheepish that you’re willing to believe that climate change is not real, that our fat fucking lazy stupid asses aren’t killing the planet on which we live.  [pause]  In which case, well, goddam.  What good are ya?  Reason won’t get at ya.

[pause]

Needing cheap oil is needing something we can’t always have.  Needing your car to live is not something you can always do.

[pause]

And the rest of you non-car-owning, self-righteous fucking elitists (yes, Johnny, I’m talking to you in Baltimore), think of all the plastic you use, all the gas it takes to get your hemp wallet to you in the UPS truck.  [pause]  You couldn’t live the way you live without cars, either, you goddam hippies.

[big pause]

So, my fellow Americans.  [pause]  Blame yourselves for this bullshit.  But still [pause], don’t fucking buy gas from BP with which to,  you know [pause], drive your fat asses around.

[big pause]

Thank you, and goodnight.

I want to hear nothing but family values types shouting for his impeachment for his angry and violent speech at people who might actually deserve pipes pumping oil into various of their orifices but who, in the land of the free, only get yelled at a lot by the President, himself a mighty speech-maker.  Then I will be happy.

Because I am living proof that, if you can’t actually do anything (or are unwilling to), you can just rant and cuss.  And you will feel better.