drivers

Dear. Mr. Buick SUV Dick,

You should be aware that you broke two laws this morning.

First, in Maryland, pedestrians have the right of way.  That is why there is a big fucking white walkway that you can even see from the vast heights of your SUV seat.  There was even a sign there to remind really really stupid people of this fact.  There’s even a picture on it in case you can’t fucking read.  You are not allowed to drive through a crosswalk with a pedestrian in it, especially not gunning the engine because little pedestrian guy made you slow down.  I am well aware that I walked right in front of you as you turned into the driveway by ten or twenty yards.  That’s my right, wanker.

Also, in Maryland, it is illegal to blow your horn at pedestrians.  People turn around, look at you, and walk into more assholes who ignore people on foot.  Even though you did wait until after you passed and even though all you managed was a pussy little horn pump.  (SUV, sissy little horn pump, guess you’re compensating in a way so classical it makes me sick…)

I thought about going to find your car on the back lot where you were headed and leaving you a nasty note.  Then I saw your Assholemobile out front, where you found a nice spot near the door.  I even thought about waiting for you to come out so that I could tell you that you are, in fact, an asshole.  But, nah, too many nice folks milling around for me to ruin their mornings making a scene.  You did look small in that vehicle.  I’ll bet I could take you.  Besides, salmon colored polo shirts don’t make you look very tough.

And in case you were wondering, yes, that gesture was me giving you the finger in front of old people.  I hope you get a fucking ticket twelve times today, even though the PoPos can’t ticket you for being a douchebag, in which case you’d probably lose your license.

Love and kisses,

This Dude