I take umbrage when…

….I am called a “retard” and “9-year-old” behind my back (but within earshot) by someone with several less degrees than I have, especially when said person makes a big deal out of distinctions.  I mean,  I don’t like to play the “I have three degrees, and you failed first grade” game, but if I’m drawn into it, I’m all too happy to quietly gloat as a friend of mine says, “Wait, he’s got a PhD in philosophy.  They don’t give that shit out.”

I have chronicled only a small portion of a percentage of the shit I have gotten, and still get, for my education.  I don’t like talking about it because one of my worst (and probably unfounded) fears is for people to start believing that I define myself by three letters or — even worse still — that I look down on other people because of it.

But, nonetheless, and in case you were wondering:

Mean-spirited teasing toward too-educated people marks you as resentful, jealous,petty and, well, stupid. Because if you don’t realize how jealous and petty this kind of shit makes you look, you must be stupid.  Or you don’t care.  And everyone I’ve met who cares that little about being an asshole has also been, one and all, stupid.

This includes:

“You [sic] got a PhD, and  you can’t XXX.”

(Actually, I can XXX, and I can do it while reading Kant.  Can you?)

“All that education and XXX.”

(Fuck you. You didn’t pay for it or help me or, if you’re talking like this, support me. Once again: fuck you.)

“Well, I don’t have a PhD, so XXX.”

(Am I supposed to feel badly that I traded my 20s, a large part of my sanity and a student loan debt that could literally buy a house to get a PhD I thought I needed for a career I thought I wanted to pursue forever?  What’s it got to do with anyone else that I need to hear what people feel about it so fucking much?)

“What, are you stuck-up now that you’re a Doctor?”

(No. Are you insecure now?)

“[Perceived shortcoming of mine] And you’re a Doctor?!”

(Well, shit, I was busy studying philosophy and shit, not learning to XXX. Silly me. I guess I got into the wrong fucking program.)

In conclusion, there is nothing magical about a PhD — except it’s magical ability to often turn “Doctors” into assholes and — more often, I’ve found, unexpectedly — to turn everyone around said Doctors into assholes.

And that is all I have to say about that.

P.S. Call me “Doctor” please. : )

Yes, I can use a damned drill.


So.  My friend was teaching carpentry to some youngins last night.  I helped carry his tools to his van afterward.  I was carrying the drill, among other things.  I got shit from two people, one of whom I actually like a lot and one of whom I more or less tolerate because he makes it obvious that he only tolerates me also.

(Guy I like) “Do you know how to use that thing?”

(Me) “What, this drill?  Yes, I can use a drill.”

(Guy I tolerate, to my friend’s lady) “You can probably use that better than him.”

(Guy I like) “You really know how to use that?”

(Me) “Yes!  I lived far away from everyone I know for five years.  I can use a damned drill.”

This manhood challenging thing is not exactly rare.  I’ve been guilty of throwing around how hairy I am, how well I can hold my liquor, how quickly I can grow a beard and at my willingness to sport one.  But this had less to do with that and more to do with my education.  I already got teased a few times this week, once last night.  I fully realize that this is probably from a little resentment, a good bit of insecurity.  Or, it could be that people really think less of me for having gotten a PhD.  To anyone like that, well, fuck them.  I don’t have to apologize for my education, and I won’t.  Or maybe it’s funny to tease someone about their accomplishments?  I don’t know.  I don’t think that’s funny.

So, yes, I might be “Doctor Jackass,” etc.  But, I’m still DOCTOR.  I did fucking earn it, after all.

I joked with my wife that I should develop more of a swagger last night.  While I don’t eat meat, and I do tend to wear sandals a lot, I refuse to admit defeat at even standard manliness.  The fact is that I know my way around tools, basic household repair, yardwork, outdoor skills, etc.  I’ve taught outdoor skills to some of these guys’ kids because, deep-down, they must know that I know what I’m doing.  Still, I let people give me shit for being less of a man because of my education on a regular basis; I let them.  Why?  I don’t know.  Maybe I know it’s coming from other people’s insecurity, and I don’t want to kick them while they’re down.  I’m better than that.  I am not small enough of a person to give anyone shit every time I see them, just to do it, whenever I had an audience in front of which to do it.

And, truly, what does that say about my possible manliness?

Let’s take a step back, though.  Maybe it has nothing to do with manliness but with some kind of competence.  Maybe some middle-aged men I know think less of me for their perception that I don’t have any skills?  But wait.  I can work with tools (fixing bikes isn’t easy if you can’t!), never wake up first at camp without making two pots of coffee, get called on to teach outdoor skills to young men regularly.  I can paint/draw a little.  I can garden.  I can cook.  I am king of dirty limericks.  I’m good with kids.  I play two instruments.  I can, at least academically, write clearly.  I can read any book on any subject and understand it (have ya read Hegel?).

So.  What should I do?  Respond with, “Yes, I can use a fucking drill.  Can you fix bikes?  Can you make fajitas that make people swoon?  Do a thousand people read what you’ve posted on the internet everyday (not this blog — the other one)?  Can you fucking read Hegel?  Write a dissertation?  Pass the exams I’ve passed?  I can do the things you can do; can you do the things I can do?!”

But then I would be the asshole. I’m not going to pretend that I think less of people for their skills, interests or accomplishments. If people think less of me, they are little people and, well, assholes. If it’s insecurity, well, I don’t know. I think that might still be a little jerky. And, well (again), isn’t a traditional mark of manhood being able to deal with our feelings ourselves? If people give me shit about my PhD because they’re insecure (thereby making their petty feelings my problem), while I don’t tease people because of my own insecurites — well, doesn’t that make me the manly one?

But I don’t want to brag.

Being good at school is not exclusive.

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Not exclusive of being good at anything else.  One grows tired of people treating you like you can’t do anything “practical” right because “of all that college.”  In many instances (some lately), certain folks have actually gotten bossy with me in the context of us being peers because they assumed that I could not accomplish the task at hand because I spent my 20s studying philosophy.  Hmm.  Turned out that I knew how to do it better in several instances, and it was completely unrelated to school.

I want to smack everyone who throws around the term “Book Smart.”

Usually such folks are either not “book smart” and feel the need to justify their inability to understand books, or they are only “book smart” and feel the need to justify not being good at other things.

Guess what?  If you can ONLY do one thing, you’re not SMART at all!  Animals and machines can be good at one thing.

That said, I don’t actually know more than a handful of people who are only good at one thing.  Folks just pigeon-hole themselves into not exploring other things they might be good at.  A lot of the “book smart” people I know could probably master outdoor skills if they went camping and, well, had to.  And a lot of the people I know who do not consider themselves “book smart” but can rebuild things and who understand how things work would probably understand Aristotle better than some of my less giften classmates over the years, if they tried to read it.

Maybe we need to redefine what we mean by SMART as a culture?

Gonna kick em.

I declare to myself today: The next person to make fun of me for not having a job or to make a remark about my long education. Yes. This person.

I am kicking them in the junk.

Why is it Okay to make fun of me for not having a job just because the Mrs. has one, and the bills get paid? What? Oh? It’s not. Yeah. It’s rude at best. Mean on average. It’s not as if I like not having a job.

And the education: making fun of. “All that education and…” Can you mask your jealousy and/or insecurity a little thinner? Yes, I went to a lot of school. Yes, I have a lot of non-practical knowledge. Yes, I read a lot. Yes, I think about things a lot. You know, this might be more of a good thing than a bad thing. I would be a jerk to make fun of people who didn’t go to college. But I don’t have a chip on my shoulder wherein I have negative thoughts about people without stupid letters behind their names. So I would have to fake it to make it up. Maybe I have anti-higher-ed tendencies at times*, but those come from experience, not insecurity and/or jealousy.

Of course, there’s the defense when someone calls me “college boy” that they are just kidding. Joking. That I’m too sensitive and can’t take a joke. Like insensitive people’s required standard of sensitivity means anything to me.

Well, fine. My kick in your crotch is a joke, too. Don’t be so fucking sensitive.

[* I am told.]