
I’m tempted to do a play-by-play. But, for one, I barely had the energy and time to journal about it. For another, there was a lot of gore and fear and terror and love, and I don’t think I’m a good enough writer to do it justice. In the end, though, I think it’s not my place. Yes, I was there. I was scared and shouting and crying and smiling and gasping along with Charlotte’s mother. But I didn’t get sewn back together and almost give birth without medication. I feel like it’s Mama’s to write about, and she’s not a blogger. So these are just the facts, Jack.
Mama’s contractions got so bad that she cried, screamed, dropped to all fours. The jokes she told me to remember to tell her when the time came didn’t help at all. Neither did a walk, a movie, etc. The midwife on call at the hospital told her, No, don’t come in. We tried to go to sleep at midnight, but apparently I passed out on my own.Mama woke me up at 1am telling me that it was time to go. In my stupor, I begged her to come back to bed.
At the hospital, I had to keep running around to get guest passes and had to leave her twice. I hated that.
By the time we got to Labor and Delivery, Mama was beside herself with pain. She was also 7cm dilated. The epidural was ordered, and we were admitted to a room. I had to get another pass from security, and the guard was not at his post and was a jerk when he got back.
We got to the room, and two young residents were discussing how dilated Mama was, where the on-call doctor was and whether there was time for the epidural. Sparing scary and TMI details, it was almost too late for the epidural because the midwife let us stay home too long (confirmed verbally by three doctors — I have no beef with midwives, just that one) and because the anaesthesiologist was taking too long to show up. My wife screamed, “Please!” to give her the damned epidural and even begged at one point, “Why can’t I have it?!” In retrospect, this melts my freakin heart and makes me feel like a wanker for not jacking up whoever I had to in order to get her the drugs she was begging for. The mean anaesthesiologist finally came, complained that my wife’s back was sweaty and then left the room without turning on the drip (luckily, the nurse noticed). Once the drugs were in, Mama was her old self again.
We didn’t wait long before it was time to break the water and PUSH. Geez. I had to hold a leg, while a room full of people encouraged Mama. In the end, Baby needed a little help from the vacuum, and Mama had a pretty large episiotomy. Very large. Baby was stuck on her way out, and the vacuum and cutting were necessary. Plus, she’s our kid and has a big head.
Baby came out like a starfish with a tube in her belly, screaming. My wife’s joy cries and terror cries are the same, and I thought for a second that something was wrong. But they asked, “Does Dad wanna cut the cord?” and I was handed this instrument that looked fit for cutting off my own hands. Once the cord was cut, they gave Charlotte to Mama, then to me, as they had to bring in another doctor to sew Mama back up again.
Yeah, there was blood and poop everywhere. Baby pooped on everyone but me because she’d become stressed by being stuck. And Mama was really torn up. The man who they had to bring in was oozing with competence somehow, and that made me feel better. I also felt, well, happier than I’d been in my thirty years that I got to hold Charlotte for the better part of an hour, while Mama was getting repaired by a room full of people while she was completely awake.
Charlotte was looking around, blinking slowly, taking us all in. She seemed to recognize her parents by our voices (and her grandparents later in the same way). I’d never had a better hug in my entire life than the cuddles we had while Mama was getting repaired.
And, to back up the three pieces of identification that they put onto her before she left the room, she has my family’s butt-chin! She looks like all the men with my last name, that is, the four of us still alive from my Dad’s side of the family.
They took Charlotte to the nursery, and I walked as far as they’d let me. Once Mama was put back together, Grandma and Grandpa came in, and we all watched the morning unfold in downtown Baltimore. Uncle Tom and Uncle Joey were on the way with coffee and donuts.
All was right with the world.