Bad winter brings out the best in Easterners.

This winter’s got nothing on last winter in Central Maryland, but our neighbors aren’t doing quite as well. But it’s making people be nice to one another now? Whoodathunkit?

“Across the Northeast, full of large cities where people wear their brusqueness like a badge of honor, neighbors and even strangers are banding together to beat back what’s shaping up to be one of the most brutal winters in years — and it appears to be contagious.”

Read more about people actually being decent to one another.

Water in the bathroom?

Walked into one of the two one-holer bathrooms in the “suite” in which I work this morning, to a huge puddle.  The sink wasn’t full.  The toilet wasn’t full.  The designers put the drain hole in the middle of the floor, despite the floor’s constant slant to the door.  There was a room-wide puddle, not deep enough to float the trashcan.  Ick.  At least the water looked clean.  I thought I’d do someone a solid and try to clean it up.  But, for one, there weren’t enough paper towels (I tried).  For another thing, well, something made it wet, and someone who knew what they were doing had to look at it.

Probably the ogre of a security guard who spends a half-hour in there sometimes and comes out in different cloths and with a shameful look on his face.  He’s creepy.  He’ll ride the elevator with you (and only you) up six floors and not say a word, even when you talk to him.  I’ve taken to not speaking to him, either, only nodding in his direction.  The other guards (save another creepy bathroom stalker) are nice, gregarious and, again, nice.  I still nod at this big bugger, though.

Because, damn, my parents raised me better than to ignore people.

How are you? Good, how are you?

I hate when you’re behind someone in  line at the cafe’ and the person behind the counter says, “Hi, how are you?” and then the person to whom he or she is speaking ignores the question and says, “Ah wunta lahtay wiff noh fohm.” (In perfect Baltimorese, of course.)  I could write a few long posts on people’s selfishness and condescension when there’s a counter between two people (both sides’ jerkery, that is).  What’s not as bad, but still annoying, is when someone asks how another person is doing, and he or she just answers the question and doesn’t return it. “How are you this morning?” “Fine. Where are those folders I asked for?”

In an attempt to make everyone think I’m nice (and perhaps to make myself nicer in the process), I always answer and always return.  Call and response style.  And yesterday, I’m pretty sure that someone with whom I work made fun of me for it. I fully realize that “well” is the correct response, not “good.”  But we don’t speak in proper English, do we? And they weren’t making fun of my responding with “Good,” but with the fact that my consistent response to, “Hi, John[ny]. How are you?” is, “Good. How are you?”  I mean, if I was being implicitly accused of being formulaic and insincere for responding to the same question in the same way, I could certainly charge the same person with asking the same question.  If my static response is insincere, what would that say about the static initial question?

And let’s not get started on the sheer stupidity involved in getting annoyed at a constant response to a constant stimulus. Let’s not get started. (I do that too much to get started getting mad at other people for it.  Heh heh heh.)

Long weekends are more fun.

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They’re more fun when the holiday is on a Monday and when you have a short week to come back to.  Seriously.

Other guidelines to get you through this long-ish week:

1) If you show up a few hours late to a party, don’t bother bringing food. It’s just for you. Don’t pretend you did something nice.  Eat the food you brought.
2) If you’re at a party and come up to two people who are talking and you know both of them, you have to greet both of them. Even if you don’t like black people.*
3) If you’re at a party and sitting at a table of like six or seven people, all of whom you’ve known for years, you are required by the most basic fucking etiquette to talk to more than the person to your left — at least to say “Hi” or something like that. If you don’t like people and don’t want to talk to people, don’t ever go to any fucking parties!
4) If you’re not cooking or helping or doing anything but sitting, no one gives a shit if you think the food is taking too long to cook or how much better your grill is.
5) If you’re the guy who likes grilling and does so through several people bitching, coming over to look at the food like they’re helping, etc., you are a very good guy (no, this was not me).  You are a credit to your art.  And when people ask you to grill bizarre things you don’t like to eat but you do it anyway, your awesomeness is proven again.
6) If you make it a habit to come to people’s homes, get into their pool and then skim the surface for leaves and bugs, you are a very good guy (no, not me, either).
7) Let me repeat: If you don’t like people and don’t want to talk to people, don’t ever go to any fucking parties!

*[But don't talk to me.  I don't like crackers.]