“I think pooping is worse.”

“What?  No way.  Puking makes your whole body hurt the next day.”

“What about explosive diarrhea?  You’re bung burns for a week.  You’re shitting all over the place.”

“But you can’t control puking.”

“I repeat: What about explosive diarrhea?”

“At least you can aim it.”

“Oh, fuck.”

“Yeah, dude, puking is the worst.”

“No, worst would be double-barreling that shit.  Blowing out of both ends.  You’re like painting the walls in bile and dooky.  That would be hell.  Holy fucking shit.  That’s nasty.”

“Oh, my god.  But puking is way worse than shitting.”

“No, not necessarily when you’re sick.  I mean, only a truly fucked up individual would like to puke more than taking a big dump, like after you have after a nice pasta dinner in any given Thursday or especially after Chinese food.  But when you’re sick, it’s no holds barred with that shotgun ass.  Brown birdshot everywhere.  You get all chapped back there, I’ll bet.”

“Geezus.  How do you know?”

“What?  I don’t know.  I imagine.”

“Bullshit.”

“I’m saying that sick squirts are terrible because the whole thing ruins something that is normally pleasant.  Normal people poop, and most of us like it.  It’s not like you ever puke when you’re not sick.  It always means something’s wrong.”

“You should put this on Facebook.”

“No, the person who’s sick is on Facebook.  That’s just mean.  How about the B L O G?”

“Heh heh, you should totally do that.  I’m going to check.”

“Let me get this fucking poll thing to work….wait a minute….shit.  I hope this works.”

So I ask my kind readers which bodily [mal]function that you find LESS pleasant when you’re sick — not in normal time?

You might think someone who’s “into” cycling would have a lot of those tight pants.  Nope.  None.  The only ones I have a loose and light.  What’s funny is that all the athletic type shorts I own are gifts and also from the universities/college I attended.  My undergrad ones are missing and, frankly, illegible.  My MA pair, well, I can’t wear them outside.  They cling, uh, the wrong way.  It’s not decent.  No.  Not at all..  I’m wearing my Doc pair tonight.  You can kinda read them.  I got them for my 24th birthday.  Six M-F-in years ago.

What the hell do I need all these nylon shorts and degrees for?

My brain is a little fevered.  Excuse me.

Also, my hands smell like ballpoint pen ink. WTF?

My jaw was hurting early last week on the upper side of said not-all-the-way-in wisdom tooth.  I got worried.  Finally got off my ass to look up “impacted wisdom tooth,” and I read that if it’s half out and you have room and it’s not biting your cheek and your gums aren’t infected, you’re good.  I thought I’d read something in the past that said they were impacted if they were not out all the way, but I couldn’t find anything to say that.  It’s been years; maybe the research changed or something.  Whatever.  My teeth never actually hurt, and my usually sensitive teeth were not more sensitive than usual, so I assumed all was well.

So I thought maybe I pulled a jaw muscle or whatever.  Played with the inside of my cheek so much that I made it bloody and tender for two days.

Then I realized that my sinuses have been poopy lately.  I had a bad cold two weeks ago, and I spent last week throwing up in the morning when I brushed my teeth, from a dripping nose.  And my head was hurting.  Duh, I think I have a sinus infection.  Turns out jaw pain/cheek pain is a big symptom.  Doh.

At first this was great news.  No digging a big tooth out of my head.  (Knock on wood!)  But this weekend, I felt too crappy to move.  I stayed home all day Saturday and only left Sunday for a short ride.  In retrospect, I should have stayed home, but I was very excited to ride with my buddy.  Fatigue is another big part of a sinus infection, and I want to stay home, read and watch movies all day.  But I have a community meeting I don’t want to miss tonight and some stuff to get done.  So I’m going to work.  Hopefully the four-mile-downhill ride there will help a little.

I am finished bitching for the day.  At least I have a job I really like, and I don’t have to suffer through a sick soul to boot.  I am a lucky guy with a cute neti pot.