the simpsons

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We were up late talking about Baby names in the spring, when we first decided to, not only have a baby, but also to have one very very soon.  I’ve probably mentioned that I never ever wanted children.  Ever.  And Mrs. P knew all about it, before we ever got engaged or married or very married.  (I think she knew I’d change my mind, though she denies it.)  Anyway, we were up on a Tuesday night.  Thinking of names in our living room.  I think I might have been standing because my hands were still trashed from my bike wreck, and I was idle too often.

We had liked Magdalena for a girl — Maggie for short.  (See “The Simpsons” and its influence on our lives!)  But Mrs. P felt like it was a little….odd.  It’s heavy.  Biblical in a super biblical way.  Not that biblical is bad.  My “real” name is John after all.  But, you know her roll in the bible.  Made me think of the A Perfect Circle Song, too, from Mer de Noms:

overcome by your moving temple
overcome by this holiest of altars
so pure, so rare
to witness such a lovely goddess

i lost my self control
beyond compelled to throw this dollar down
before your holiest of altars

i’ll sell my soul, my self esteem
a dollar at a time for one chance, one kiss
one taste of you my magdalena

i’ve beared witness to this place, this lair, so long forgotten
so pure, so rare, to witness such a lovely goddess

and i’d sell my soul, my self-esteem
a dollar at a time for one chance, one kiss,
one taste of you my black madonna

i’ll sell my soul, my self-esteem
a dollar at a time

for one taste, one taste
one taste of you my magdalena

Yeah, not sure if we wanted to name our daughter that, assuming we had a girl. If we had a boy, the name was easy. I’m a Junior, and my wife always liked the idea of a Johnny 3. I’d change my name legally to The Second because it sounds cool. I have a moderately bizarre middle name, which I’d rather not inflict on another person, but I think Mrs. P’s mind was made up.

Girls’ names:  I’d always liked Vera, my paternal grandmother’s name, a woman I never met who died when my father was only 8 or 9.  It means “truth.”  Mrs. P didn’t like it.  Or Sophia.  I’d joked about having a girl named Sophia Vera, i.e., Wisdom and Truth — funny when her father spent his adult life so far studying [and trying to practice] philosophy.  Those were a little over the top, now that I think of it, even if they are both pretty names and even if Vera will always be special to me because of the woman I never got to meet.

My wife suggested some other names: Evey (British spelling, mostly from V for Vendetta), Zoe, Charlotte.  We felt like Zoe was pretty popular and came up with Charlotte Zoe as Baby’s first and middle names.  We’d call her Charlie.  When we mentioned this to folks later, the response was either, “Oh, fizzle, that’s adorable!” or, “I know a real C-word named Charlotte.”  Now, our daughter would  never be a C-word; I’m sure.  Adorable, yes; of course.

We were up so late that night that we didn’t  put the recycling  bin out before bed like we usually do.  When Mrs. P took it out the next morning (because  my hands were still too buggy to carry it), there was a sign on the poll right near where we put our recycling.  Someone named Charlotte had lost her cat named Zoe and needed help finding her.

So even if I’m not religious and usually tend to the sentimental and superstitious side of things much more than the faithful, believing or even hoping side, I knew we would have a girl from a couple of months before we officially starting trying to have a baby at all.  Maybe we’re reading way too much into a coincidence, as someone I know (who was, I confess, the biggest downer I’ve met recently) suggested.  Or, well, maybe, possibly, it certainly appears to us — this baby was….dare I say it….meant to be?

Brighter morning.


You may be aware that I’ve been working with my dissertation director to get a date for our defenses before Baby comes. This will involve a train to DC, a train to Chicago, a train to Carbondale, then the same on the way back. Two days of traveling each way. And, you know, a public defense wherein people who didn’t read it can come and ask annoying questions.  Not a light trip to make with a pregnant wife, my own neuroses and not a ton of cash for traveling.  But, it needs to get done.

I met with my director in November in Washington (took the train down one Friday morning) when he was there for a conference. He promised we’d work this out. He also lightened my spirits by telling me that the defense, in our department, is “celebratory.” That is, it’s finished and a done deal before I get there. The trouble with that is that you don’t get a defense until it’s perfect. Ready to go. I enjoyed myself that morning because my director is a very nice person with whom I have a good bit in common. We took a nice walk on a beautiful day around the Capital, and I ran (literally) to get my train home in a very good mood.

I finished my draft in summer 2007. I didn’t ever look at it until March 2009, when I did some proofreading and sent it after my bike accident in like late April or early May. Asked about maybe a July defense. Then everyone got busy, and nothing happened. When we found out about Baby in August, I emailed my director to see about scheduling, and there was a good bit of suggestions, including tying Emerson into my work. There are worse assignments than having to read a bunch of Emerson, I joked.

Then part one of three took a while to get in shape to everyone’s liking. Part two is Nietzsche, and my director is not a Nietzsche guy. I have some comments to work on for that part, but the Nietzsche guy they brought onto the committee hasn’t had a look yet. That scares me a little. The rest of the comments for the last part are in the mail, too.

So, my director told me to “bug” him as much as I had to when I met with him in November. But I don’t like to do that to people and especially not to people I like, like him. But I did yesterday. I flat out asked for a date. And, he gave me three days in February he thinks would work, and one specific date at 3:30pm (Central Time) that he is shooting for. He’ll get back to me when he gets confirmation from the rest of the committee.

So. Holy shit. I didn’t realize how much this was hanging over my head! We played Scene It? (Simpsons Deluxe Edition) until late last night and slept until 10:04am (our anniversary), to a sunny day and a big Baby belly.  I couldn’t remember why my mood was so light!  Whenever I think about how long we’ve been back in Baltimore, it’s tainted by my dissertation still hanging over my head, driving me crazy.  It almost makes me feel like a failure.  I never thought I wouldn’t finish, but I never realized that a good number of the people who start PhD programs don’t get to the prospectus, and a lot of them never finish it.  Yikes.

I’m still nervous that the Nietzsche guy is going to go nuts over my Nietzsche work.  But, well, if he does and if the date is set, that simply means that I have to pump up on coffee and do whatever he suggests.  Simple.  Easy, no, but it’ll get done.  While we’re not traveling to my favorite place or for my favorite reason, we are traveling.  And I do love that.  Won’t get to do that again for a long time.  And, next time, we’ll get to show Baby the train and how fun it is.

And I can’t believe that, with it being a possibility for so long, I’ll actually be Dr. Johnny officially when I get my diploma in the mail (can’t take that trip with a newborn to walk on stage, but I won’t care with Baby here anyway) in a few months.  Wow.  I think I need a new nickname on camping trips/cycling.  Dan mentioned Doc once, and I like it.

Fred died.

I love Yehuda Moon.  If you do not, you might have a problem.  Yes, if you do not like Yehuda Moon, you might suck.  Or, you might not like bikes.  In that case, you might suck.  I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this.

I follow religiously every morning.  Yesterday, this almost made me cry.  Getting sad over the death of a cartoon character might make me suck, but remember that watching “The Simpsons” is — as one family member has pointed out — like a church or mass or some such act of devotion for my brother and for me, doubly so when we are together to watch it.

I mean, I think it’s only logical.  “The Simpsons” is probably the greatest thing to be invented since bikes, even better than Dunkin Donuts or pain medication.  Watching it whenever you can just makes sense.  It proves that, despite my walking into things and spending my adult life in school, I am not a complete idiot.

You should love the Yehuda Moon comic and “The Simpsons” — prove your worth, I say.  (And buy me a shirt while you’re at it.)  I mean it.

Mensa listed the ten smartest shows in television history. Complete bull hockey. Any list of the smartest shows on television that does not include “The Simpsons” must be compiled by a Neanderthal. I’m serious. Hell, any list that has anything other than

1) “The Simpsons”
2) “The Simpsons”
3) “The Simpsons”
4) “The Simpsons”
5) “The Simpsons”
6) “The Simpsons”
7) “The Simpsons”
8) “The Simpsons”
9) “The Simpsons”
10) “The Simpsons”

is complete crap. I don’t believe that whoever made this list have ever seen any other shows.  In fact, I hereby charge that the group or board or person who made this list has never seen anything on television before.

I’m very glad I stopped paying my Mensa dues. Really, I did. It was expensive.  What? Oh, yeah, I got into Mensa.  I’m not stupid or anything you know.  Geez.  Dang.  Come to think of it, maybe that would be good on a resume’.  Maybe I should pay my dues.  Make up for the whole spent-my-adult-life-in-school thing.